In a surprise move earlier today, President Bush took bold action by deploying the National Guard to San Francisco to defend the isntitution of marriage.
In a prepared statement this afternoon, Bush defended his action by proclaiming that he had "exhausted all other possibilities" in defending traditional marriage. While he would not say what prompted this action, his statement seemed to indicate that is was in response to San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's order that marriage licenses be granted to same-sex couples.
"We've had this problem with judicial activism for some time now. As I've said, if the only way to reign in activist judges is to codify marriage in law as between a man and a woman, then so be it. There is a new threat to traditional marriage emerging, however, in this executive activism. Legislative activism is a grave and gathering danger, and we cannot wait until it becomes imminent. And so, I have taken the action necessary to defend the institution of marriage, because it's important that the people define what marriage is, and not their elected officials."
The Guard, however, seemed uncertain of how to proceed once it arrived in San Francisco. Local residents began to complain almost immediately, saying that their presence was intrusive and unnecessary. When asked by reporters whether the National Guard would be effective in this role, Bush cautioned against "denigrating service in the Guard."
There was an incident almost immediately after the Guard arrived, however, when one of the same-sex couples was recognized as members of the Guard who were not currently active. They were immediately arrested, and are to be transferred to Guantanamo as enemy combatants. While the President would not comment specifically on this incident, Bush did say to no one in particular, "You are either with us, or against us. An enemy of the Guard is clearly an enemy of America."
When reached on the issue, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said, "Do I think it's wrong for American Guardsmen to be actively working against their own unit? You bet I do. Look, this war against Homosexual Activism isn't like any other war before, and we have to go about it in different ways."
When questioned later, Rumsfeld said he could not
recall making that comment, exactly.
All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental and should not be construed. No names have been changed to protect the innocent, since God Almighty protects the innocent as a matter of heavenly routine.